A not so perfect 9 months
by Rufus J ShinRa1
Summary: The third installment in the series. Cloud&Tifa Are going to have a baby but Rufus,Sephiroth and Hojo decide to stop them pregnancy. But there plans are altered when a old rival appears....


  
  
  
  
  
A not so perfect pregnancy [I give half credit to the reviewer who gave me this idea. You know who you are!]  
  
  
  
  
  
[Cloud&Tifa's villa]  
  
  
  
  
Cloud: [Yawns] Tifa? Where are you?  
  
Tifa: .....in the bathroom  
  
Cloud: Can I come in?  
  
Tifa: ........no.  
  
CLoud: Why not?  
  
Tifa: 'Cause.  
  
Cloud: Because what?  
  
Tifa: [Pukes] Um....nothing.  
  
Cloud: Oh...O.K.   
  
  
[Shionra HQ]  
  
  
Rufus: [Shakes cat food bag] Here kitty kitty,daddy's got some nice meow mix for you! [Darknation runs into the room]  
  
Darknation: [Purrs]  
  
Heiddeger: Sir!  
  
Rufus: I'm having my quiet time with my panther thank you very much!  
  
Heiddeger: But Sir-  
  
Rufus: Blah,Blah,Blah.  
  
Heiddeger: But-  
  
Rufus: Talk to the hand 'cause the face no wanna hear it!  
  
Heiddeger: SEPHIROTH AND HOJO ARE HERE TO SEE YOU MR. PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sephiroth: Hey it's Rufie. How's Shin-Ra going.  
  
Rufus: Well it's-  
  
Sephiroth: That's nice.  
  
Rufus: ...  
  
Hojo: So then let's take out the cards!  
  
Bond: Can I play.  
  
Sephiroth: Sure.  
  
Rufus: I got them right here! [Pulls out a deck]  
  
Sephiroth: Ha ha! I win again! I get Rufus's shotgun!  
  
Rufus: Aw dammit!  
  
Bond: My turn!   
  
Rufus: You lose Mr. Bond. [2 Shinra soliders drag Bond out]  
  
Bond: I never lose it's Rufus's fault!!!  
  
Hojo: Okay now it's my-hey wait...  
  
Sephiroth: What?  
  
Hojo: Who want's to go to Costa del Sol?  
  
Rufus: ME! ME! ME!  
  
  
[Cloud&Tifa's villa]  
  
  
  
Tifa: Cloud I have somthing to tell you...  
  
Cloud: What?  
  
Tifa: I'm pregnant.  
  
Cloud: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hojo: Guees what?  
  
Rufus: What?  
  
Hojo: The Strifes are going to have a baby.  
  
Sephiroth: Yeah so?  
  
Rufus: Damn not another good guy running around we'll be ruined!  
  
Sephiroth: I got a plan....  
  
Rufus: What?  
  
Sephiroth: You'll see....  
  
  
  
[The cabin during the last story]  
  
  
Kefka: [Cough] I'm alive....Damn Sephiroth,Hojo Rufus....betraying me. We'll I'll show those three sorry excuses for villans  
  
Guy: Hey man are you okay...  
  
Kefka: Beat it loser! I need a chochobo!  
  
Guy: I have one but you can't have it. [Kefka casts a bolt spell on him] On second thought...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
[Sephiroth's theme park is set up]  
  
  
  
Sephiroth: [Leading a bunch of Wutain tourists with camera's in] Welcome to Uncle Sephy's dreamland! To our left is the house of sword going through you pain. [Wutain's take pictures]  
  
  
Wutain: Picture,Picture.  
  
Aeris: Hi everyone! heeee...heee...  
  
Sephiroth: It's....It's....Aeris....[Blushes]  
  
Aeris: Hi Sephy. I know your Sowey for stabbing lil' ol me.  
  
Sephiroth: Uh...Yeah. Heh. heh. heh.  
  
Aeris: How about you show me your amusement park?  
  
Sephiroth: Uh....S-sure.  
  
Hojo: Hey stick to the plan.  
  
Sephiroth: Shove it Pops! You're supposed to be operating the rollercoster and selling Fast food!  
  
Hojo: Get yer Jenova burgers here! Fresh from the test tube.  
  
Aeris: Was that Porfesser Hojo.  
  
Sephiroth: No.  
  
  
[Amusement park gate]  
  
  
Shinra solider#1: President Rufus's plan doesen't sound so good.  
  
Shinra Commander: Yeah considering that the President is a sadistic maniac....   
  
Shinra solider 2: Yeah seriously.  
  
Rufus: Troops!  
  
All: AH! PRESIDENT RUFUS!  
  
Rufus: Have you seen Mr. Wuggums?  
  
Shinra Commander: Isn't he on your shoulder.  
  
Rufus: [See's a stuffed bear on his shoulder] MR.WUGGUMS!  
  
Shinra Solider: ....  
  
  
  
  
[Park]  
  
  
Aeris: So...you wan't to come to my place sometime and watch Bambi?  
  
Sephiroth: ....Sure heh, heh. [Blushes 10 diffrent shades]  
  
Aeris: [Blinks her eyes at Sephiroth]  
  
Sephiroth: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! [Carries Aeris off to the main control room]  
  
  
Rufus: SEPHIROTH! WERE ARE YOU! THE STRIFES HAVE ARRIVED!  
  
  
[Main control room]  
  
Sephiroth: Forgive me Aeris but I must carry out the plan! Hojo start up the rollercoaster.  
  
Aeris: Hey let's get married and have a honeymoon at the city of the ancients!  
  
Sephiroth: YEAH! I NEVER KNEW THE GOOD GUY'S WERE SO PRETTY!  
  
  
  
[Rollercoaster]  
  
  
Tifa: The meteor....nice name for a rollercoaster.  
  
Cloud: Yeah let's go!  
  
  
  
  
[Main control room]  
  
  
Rufus: Enjoy the rollercoaster ride. It his Harazdous to Pregnant people...  
  
Voice: That's inhuman...  
  
Rufus: Gah! Locke and Cid Highwind.  
  
Locke: Have you no respect for any life?  
  
Rufus: None.  
  
Cid: You heartless bastard...  
  
Rufus: Guards! Take them down.  
  
Cid: They have been defeated.  
  
Rufus: Then I'll take care of you myself. [Pulls out shotgun] EAT HOT LEAD!  
  
Locke: Moogles! Get him!  
  
Rufus: NO! NOT THEM! [All of a sudden gas shoot's out of the amusment park]  
  
  
  
[Rollercoaster]  
  
[Cloud,Tifa,Sephiroth,Aeris,Rufus,Hojo,Cid and Locke are tied up in the rollercoaster]  
  
Kefka: Ha! Ha! Ha! Have you guy's forgotten what you did? Payback time!  
  
Aeris: Hey I wasn't involved with this last time!  
  
Kefka: Yeah...but I like watching people die!  
  
Cloud: God! What the hell is your problem.  
  
Kefka: I was up in that ski resort for months...surviving only on Moogle meat...  
  
All: Ewwwwwww  
  
Kefka: What it's good.  
  
Rufus: C'mon Kefka just let us off...  
  
Kefka: No. I'll start the rollercoaster. Oh by the way I modified it. Now it crashes into a wall when the ride is done...  
  
Tifa: Please!  
  
Kefka: Enough talk!!! [Starts the rollercoaster]  
  
Cid: Man this is worse then the time I was constpated by all the ciggaretes I smoked.  
  
Locke: This is worse then the time I was hooked on coughdrops.  
  
Sephiroth: Someone hand me the black materia. Then I can transform into my One Winged Angel form and carry us to saftey.  
  
Aeris: Where is it?  
  
Sephiroth: In my boxers...  
  
Aeris: Ooooooh!!!! [Blushes]  
  
Sephiroth: Get it! Hurry your giving me a wedgie!  
  
Aeris: Got it! [Gives to Sephiroth]  
  
Sephiroth: Fithos Lusec....Blah Blah...[Transforms into Safer-Sephiroth]  
  
Kefka: What the hell?   
  
Sephiroth: Pale Horse! [Blasts Kefka away]  
  
Kefka: NOOOOO!!!!!!!   
  
Sephiroth: [Carries the rollercoaster to saftey] YES!  
  
  
[9 months later...]  
  
Tifa: [Holds a baby with Spiky brown hair]  
  
Cloud: Let's name him after Zack.  
  
Tifa: Okay where is Zack.  
  
Cloud: Hey I wonder what happened to Sephiroth?  
  
  
  
[Aeris's house]  
  
Aeris: Don't you like Titanic Sephiroth.  
  
Sephiroth: Yeah.  
  
Aeris: You wan't to go to my room and make out?  
  
Sephiroth: ........There IS a God.  
  
  
  
THE END   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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